I received a phone call from my Mum this morning. I was still in bed so I couldn't take the call. "It's 3 am in Malaysia right now... why would she be calling?", I thought to myself. I woke up, went downstairs and called her back about half an hour later.
Me: Hello, you called me?
Mum: *sounding all sleepy* Yes, I couldn't sleep earlier... I read the Qur'an until 3 am but I couldn't sleep so I called you.
Me: Oh okay. What's wrong?
Mum: Your sister's not well. After the laser surgery she hasn't stopped vomiting and her temperature keeps rising. She was admitted into the hospital on Sunday.
(My sister was diagnosed with a fibroid - a benign tumour near the uterus - last December. She recently underwent a laser surgery to have it removed.)
Me: Oh okay... what did the doctor say?
Mum: The doctor didn't explain much. They all look scared... they didn't tell me much.
Me: What do you mean they didn't say much??? What's wrong with her?
Mum: Apparently it has affected her liver... I'm really scared for her, Shahirah. I hope she pulls through. *almost in tears*
Me: Mum, don't panic. They probably don't want to say anything to scare you. They're observing her in the hospital, I'm sure she'll be fine. Didn't they tell you this would be one of the side effects before the surgery took place?
Mum: No... I think this is a first for them. They said it wouldn't affect her other organs.
Me: Well that's careless of them! How can they not foresee this?!
Mum: I'm just very worried for her... I don't think I can leave her like this. I feel so sorry she has to go through all this. I'm not allowed to stay with her in the hospital at night. What if something happens???
Me: *silence* Mum, just don't panic okay. Kakak (Malay term for 'older sister') is quite fragile maybe her reaction to the surgery is a bit extreme. And please think positively. Be positive and cheerful when you're around her because she needs to be strong. Once the mind is weak then the body will be weak too.
Mum: I know... I know...
Me: And give her some honey to eat and some Zam Zam water to drink as well. That should give her strength.
Mum: We were at the hospital on Sunday from 12 pm to 6 am. So I was too tired to call you yesterday.
Me: Okay nevermind, just don't get so worried. If you get sick then we're going to have 2 sick people in the family. Then what are we going to do?
Mum: I want you to come back in June. I don't think I can come end of this month.
Me: *silence* Okay Mummy, I'll see what I can do...
What am I suppose to make of this? I have a mountain of work to do; I have my studies and I'm involved in several University associations and now I have this hanging over my head? What's worse is that I can't be there for my family and I'm stuck here because it's my final year and God forbid, I won't let anyone or anything get in the way of that. I'm so horrible with feelings. I push them aside and I tell myself to soldier on while deep down inside it really hurts. Sometimes the only way I can ever let my emotions out is by writing so here I am.
I know most of you here don't even know me very well but can you please say a prayer and make du'a for my sister? I will of course pray for her as well but if you do know her and you're reading this please, please make du'a for her to recover and for my Mum to be strong and patient.
I don't really feel like talking about this and the only person I really want to talk to is someone I shouldn't be talking to. How did life get so complicated?